KidCare America™

A Tale of Two Images  

This week I had the great experience of meeting a very wise person who reminded me of one of the most fundamental lessons I ever learned about mindset. Her name is Shirley, she's 93 years old, and she studied under Maxwell Maltz, one of the pioneers of high performance mindset training. As we were having lunch, and sharing some of the fantastic mindset breakthroughs we had both experienced, she leaned over and said, "How could you ever expect anyone to outperform their own self-image?  It's impossible."

When you think about this statement, it is amazingly simple yet equally powerful. We all carry with us an image in our brain of how we see ourselves. This image is formed by our parents, our friends, our coaches, our religion, our culture, and even our bosses. Even more important, it is reinforced with our thoughts, our self-talk, and our stories. For too many people this is a self-image of failure, weakness, of not being good enough, not being smart enough, not being respected, not being trustworthy, and not being successful. The fact is that you can reframe the thoughts that these images create all you want but until you consciously decide to rip up that image and create a new one, you won't make much sustainable progress.

At Tignum, we work with our clients to create their To Be Vision. This is a vision of their best self. One that is true to their values, full of energy, successful, powerful, effective, authentic, resilient, and everything else representing what they want To Be. We help them see the benefits of creating this vision and then we help them build the roadmap to get there. But what happens when this image is too far away from their self-image? This creates a credibility gap and the brain has a hard time believing in the To Be vision. Even worse, the brain sabotages any actions, it creates setbacks, it fabricates psychosomatic pains and illnesses, it creates such a strong negative dialogue that they can't silence it.  When this happens they can't outperform it.

So how can you bridge this gap? First, you have to be relentless in challenging what you have accepted as your self-image. When it comes from so many outside sources it really isn't your "self"-image anymore. You need to take ownership of your "self". The next thing you need to do is to be sure you are practicing the best Sustainable High Performance habits that you can. When you become exhausted, hypoglycemic, full of negative thoughts, over stressed (under-oscillated), and nutrient deficient your brain will take the path of least resistance and immediately go back to the poor self-image you had imprinted. Finally, you need to create your To Be Vision, write it down, add photos to it, share it with people close to you, and own it. You need to mentally visualize yourself as you want To Be over and over again until this is the only image that the self recognizes.

Are these strategies simple?  Yes. Are they easy? No; they take practice as anything new does. But when you think of the benefits of closing the gap and creating this new self-image, I think you'll see it is worth the efforts. As I said to Shirley, "It may be impossible to outperform your self-image, but with some work you can recreate your self-image.  Then anything is possible."

As you go through your busy day, and you notice how your self-image may be impacting your performance, I'd love to hear what you think. After all, it's what YOU think that matters.

Scott Peltin
Founder/Chief Performance Officer


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The Tignum Book "SINK, FLOAT, OR SWIM" - get an excerpt or buy the book - now also for the Ipad.

This past week, in Scientific American, there was a great article that looked at doctors and empathy. As anyone knows who has gone to a doctor in a time of need, too often doctors do exhibit a lack of empathy. This is paradoxical because medical students are screened for empathy in the selection process, and doctors receive regular training on empathy throughout their career. What I love about the study, though are the questions the researchers asked.

The researchers asked whether doctors really are low on empathy or if there could be an adaptation on the job where empathy actually is detrimental. Having spent many years helping people during the worst day of their life (in the fire service) this really struck me because I realized that at times being able to shut my feelings off was actually helpful. In fact, this is exactly what the researchers concluded. When a doctor needs to inflict pain, or do something uncomfortable to help the patient, having too much empathy actually diminished their skill. On the other hand, when doctors need to consult with a patient, having more empathy really improves their performance. This means that the highest performing doctors are neither cold and callous nor empathetic. They actually have learned the skill of exhibiting empathy at the appropriate time.

When I read this, I immediately thought of so many of my executive leaders who constantly struggle to make tough (often painful) decisions because they are so empathetic. Their empathy has helped them develop deep relationships, and it has helped them lead with compassion, but it has also many times prevented them from taking difficult actions. In fact, for many leaders, they have been trained in authentic leadership and emotional intelligence and they pride themselves on what a caring boss they are. As a Mindset coach, and as a person who has had to perform in some very trying emotional situations, I look at this research and I wonder - maybe the one with the High Performance Mindset is actually the one who has developed empathy but who recognizes the appropriate times to turn it down. Ultimately, isn't this real emotional intelligence?

In fact, when I look at my best performing leaders, what I see is a mindset where they actually address tough situations with a surgeon's precision but they surround it with a caretaker's compassion. This is the art and skill of leadership and it requires consistent practice, thoughtful preparation, and a clear vision of the leader they want to become. As we dig deeper to develop this elusive High Performance Mindset, let me know what you think.
 

Scott Peltin
Founder/Chief Performance Officer


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Nancy and I have known for some time that in order for the church to have a mentoring after-school program, we, along with the church leadership, have to address the issue of capacity.

Does the church have the capacity to launch and sustain a program such as KidCare America?

Since starting KidCare America in the fall of 2001, we have always done church capacity building as a side to what we do with the after-school ministry. However, in recent days we have come to realize that we need to bring it to the forefront of what we do.

So...in addition to helping churches open their doors to students after-school, we will be focusing specifically on Church Capacity Building. We feel prepared, with nearly 30 years of pastoral ministry, a PhD in Organizational Psychology, and enough experience coming along side churches, to build the capacity of churches to do more in their community.

In fact, some recent changes in the Assemblies of God US Missions department confirmed that we are to church capacity builders. We are now considered Church Development Missionaries.

We are ready for this new adventure in our ministry! Get ready for a great ride!

Until Next Time,

Dr. Mike

Nancy and I just returned from one of the greatest Centers in the country for KidCare America. It is located in Lincoln, Maine. The Center Director is Michelle Russell and the Pastor is Tim Shaw.

They are doing an awesome job but what has been amazing is the fact that they have funded their program for the past five years from funds that have come from outside the church.

This affirms what Nancy and I already know, you can run your Mentoring After-School Program with very little funds from the Church. You can do KidCare America with outside funding and be very successful. Community Evangel Temple is doing in it in a town of less than 5,000 in Northern Maine.

Call us to learn more!

At a certain age, every student thinks that their parents are the most "uncool" people on the planet. I really believe, developmentally, this young man or woman are at their vulnerability peak! At that moment the student doesn't need the model of Children's and Youth Ministry that we currently have in place; the mass ministry or the large group.

No, what that student needs is a relationship with a Godly man or woman who will "show" them what it is like to serve Christ in His fullness. As Wanda Parker has called "secondary nurturers." That is what our students need and that is the message of KidCare America for the faith-community and for student ministry!

We are deceived into thinking that the crowd or the masses is where we should be spending our energy, when the entire time we really need to be doing relational ministry with students, especially those on the fringes of society and need a role model.

Our message, the message of KidCare America is a clarion call to adults to walk with students through life. For adults to partner with parents, schools, social service agencies and help that student connect with God through connection with that adult.

This is our message, will you answer that call!

Until Next Time,

Dr. Mike

Here is the first in a series of answers to the challenge of a grant request declined:

If you have solicited grants you have received notice that some of your proposals have been declined. It is a part of the grant raising process to be declined, and more than once or twice.

You put all of that work into that grant proposal, and there is the response letter; "declined".

I know how you feel. All of us who write grant proposals do. You are not alone by any means.

May I suggest the following to you, your E.D., and board:

1. Be willing to apply for grants and forge relationships with grant donors imperfectly. In other words, do not try to put out THE perfect proposal only to be CRUSHED by a decline. Agencies that give grants place many factors into whether or not they give a grant donation and they are beyond their deciding whether your grant proposal is "perfect". Perhaps their coffers are low. Maybe they have outstanding pledges to grant before they can accept new proposals. What if their Trustee just passed away and the will is in probate, causing the foundation's endowment to be frozen? You don't know why a grant is declined sometimes, but call the foundation and gently, professionally, and kindly ask why. Yes, it's ok to do that. Lastly, be open to learning what you can do (better, or adjust, or on a different date) on your next proposal to that grant donor's organization and do it next time.

For everyone that is in the Southwest Missouri area, we are hosting a Regional National Directors After-School Training beginning this Friday and ending in about three weeks.

The sessions will take place on Friday's and a couple of Saturday's, and will equip you to start and manage a KidCare America Model Center.

Call us for info at 417-866-8864.

Until Next Time,

Dr. Mike

I am excited that in a few days I will be "publishing" online a new EBook on developing a Mentoring Sunday School.

Watch for the release of this new program very soon!

Until Next Time,

Dr. Mike